I feel the nagging urge to post something but I’m not feeling the words right now. So I have shamelessly decided to recycle something I wrote like two years ago. Not on WordPress but in my journal.
Enjoy this little excerpt.
‘I am going to tell you the truth. No, not the truth that spares people’s feelings and thinks it knows what’s best for everyone. The real truth. The cold, honest to God, die-hard truth.
And what truth is that exactly? When I’ve been so very honest and innocent from the very beginning? When everything up until now has seemed so simple? Honestly, when I sift through my many thoughts and reactions and broodings and dreams, I’m not completely sure what what the truth is. Because I may make up my mind about one thing being true and it may not take the space of a heartbeat for it to change and I’m left wondering which one was actually right in the first place.
All I know for sure is that somewhere inside me, there is a truth. And just as equally, there is a lie. I can’t tell if at times, I’m deceiving people or if it’s just me changing.
So where do I begin? Anywhere really. Because I could pick any aspect of my life and start ticking off all the injustice I’ve done to all the people I’ve ever met. But maybe I’m just writing this to talk about one particular aspect. About the aspect that affects you. To explain all my reactions and moods and silences which have probably rubbed you off the wrong way. Because the last thing I ever meant to happen was to hurt you.
So really, I want to tell you the truth about my broken life so that you can understand that I never meant to break you too.’
Writing it back now, it seems so much darker.