Second post….after a long pause

Hi. Sorry for the wait. Wi-fi among other things has been a bitch. But I’ve gotten most of that technical stuff semi-sorted.
Anyway I’ve been thinking.
As usual.
It’s in the night, when I’m alone in bed that I begin to think. And stew and regret and reminisce and contemplate. I think about a lot of tings but mostly I contemplate me. That might sound arrogant, thinking about myself all the time, but I need to do it. I need to, to keep myself in check and not show out loud how bad I feel inside. I also try to counsel myself, especially when I wish I could have done someting differently but not really knowing how.
I’m really good at messing things up and making big mistakes and getting myself into tight situations. And with such a high-strung family, that’s a pretty bad trait. So I’m constantly frustrated. When I advice myself, or people advice me, do I even learn? Because for some reason, I still end up in the same crappy situations, mentally yelling at myself, and in a constant sad, sad, sad.


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